stuff

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Failure to Thrive: Mommy Edition

I've been holding onto this post for quite a while.
However, this post pushed me into pushing the publish button.
I swear...this lady reads my mind.
And makes my crochet-deprived fingers itch.

Now, to the meat of things...

I have been infatuated with all things babies for as long as I can remember.
Growing up I would always say that I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother.
I went into motherhood thinking that I was pretty prepared.

And then, the baby came.
And my world crumbled around me.

I couldn't control what was going on.
I couldn't fathom not knowing what to do.
I couldn't even plan a basic schedule for my day.
And, hey...you're telling me that babies don't know how to nap straight out the womb?!

I kept asking people on Facebook what they did for their children, worried that I would make the wrong decision for Charlie.
I read book after book and googled my fingers off.
I still couldn't figure out why my child cried for hours some nights but not others.
Why she seemed to only like me for my boobs.
Why she cried her head off for me all day, but settled down for my husband.
I wanted to make sure that she was "normal" and did things that other peoples' "normal" children did.
I didn't use the swing to get her to sleep at night because I thought that was cheating.
I didn't use the swing to get her to nap so I could take a quick shower.
I would wait until my husband got home to take showers every day because she wouldn't nap long enough for me to get undressed.

I spent a week crying my eyes out because I thought I wasn't a good enough mother for my child.
I wasn't following the books.
I was too worried about others.
I asked my mom when the happy, smiling baby on the covers of magazines would arrive in my household.

Then, my mom figuratively smacked a little sense into me.
She reminded me that parenting isn't about perfection.
It's about survival.
Put down the books.
Stop googling every little thing.
Listen to your gut.
Pay attention to Charlie's cues.
She'll let you know what she needs.

The swing got a lot more use after that!

I had to remember that I WAS and AM good enough.
Will I ever be a perfect parent?
Hell to the no.
Is my child a happy, healthy baby?
You bet.
That's what matters.


Laters,

Mrs. B




2 comments:

  1. That was the best conversation you and your mom ever had!! xoxox

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  2. I'm actually pregnant and due in December, so can't yet say I get it too, I have a feeling that I'm going to be in a similar situation. As for back as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom, and I feel like I'm doing all the reading I can now, but I just am a little scared out of my mind about being responsible for a tiny human. And the sleep! I'm definitely a person that needs sleep, and can't imagine how I'll be able to function without it, so I'm really really hopeful we're able to figure out a sleeping situation that works.

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