TGIFB! (Thank Goodness It's Fall Break!)

I am in total need of this fall break. I spent today at school because I was already in Goshen to get my hair done (which hasn't happened since before school started on August 13th.). As I explained to people who asked WHY I was going into school on my (much needed) break, my corner threw up and I needed to clean up the mess. This is why...

I have made it through my first parent/student/teacher conferences. WHEW!! It was very interesting. Thursday was amazing and went super smoothly. Tuesday, however, was busier, fuller, and had most of my "We need to talk" students. The one I was freaked about the most went super smooth.

I am surprised at how having my own classroom has affected my sleep this year. Last year I would have been the first one to tell you about how I could fall asleep, not remember any of my dreams and stay that way for 15 hours or so. U G H!!!!! Not this year. Since the day school started I have been sleeping HORRIBLY. I have no trouble falling asleep, but it's the hallucinations and sleep walking that are driving me nuts!!!!! I have at least 2-3 dreams A NIGHT that consist of me dreaming about something about school. I have been getting out of bed, walking around my room, searching for things that aren't there and getting dressed. I thought it was simply the stress of teaching, but it has been happening for OVER 10 WEEKS! I thought it was "normal" but it turns out, it's not. I went for my annual doctor's appointment today and he said that if this continues he wants me to see a sleep specialist. Who...ME?!?!?! You've got to be kidding me! I am the person who can sleep for 18 hours at a time and can fall asleep at a moments notice. I'm a bit weirded out.

Sorry it's been so long since my last post, but it was time for conferences. Those of you who teach can understand completely.

I Heart Them

Ok. Today, my poor students were feeling very much like I was yesterday. I think I had 3 or 4 students cry and I didn't even give them anything to cry about! When I came back from PD this morning it was time for chess. My students were very excited about it, but I could tell that everyone was a bit stressed. I could hear an undercurrent of bickering in the room and some of the kids had taken to yelling at their partners. Oy.

Sooooo...we made it through chess (thank God) and went to lunch. I made it through lunch (thank God...seriously) and went out for recess where another one of my students was crying. Lordy Lordy. So, after recess we had community time. It was much needed. I told my kids to just start telling me all of the feelings that they had had this week. They said things like sad, angry/mad, jealous, stressed, nervous, happy, tired...etc. I asked them to give reasons they felt that way and more than half of them said that they were sick of having guest teachers. I feel their pain. Today marked their third guest teacher in four days. Poor babies.

It was very sad and sobering to hear them talk about their feelings. One little girl said that she was sad because she missed her dad because he doesn't live at home anymore. As she is saying this and getting even sadder, the little Hispanic boy beside her leans over, rubs her shoulder gently and says, "That's hard. My dad doesn't live at home either. I'm sorry." OMG! What a great, gentle and loving bunch of students I have. We have put a few more bricks into the foundation of our community today.

I heart them.

Prettier not Shi**ier

My new mantra for my classroom is, "I need to do fewer things prettier instead of more things shi**ier." My mom said that my meltdowns are right on schedule. Meltdown #1; August 13, 2010. Meltdown #2; October 5, 2010.

The subject today was, "I'm sick of feeling like my best isn't good enough." The analogy that I used today was, "I feel like I am hovering above a treadmill and just when I think it is ok to put my feet down and jump on, someone changes the speed and I'm lost again." I drove home from school in order to get to a doctors appointment, but had to go to a home visit first. Therefore, I was running about 10-15 minutes late. So, I tried to be the nice person and call ahead but when I did they told me that if I wasn't going to get there by ______ time that I needed to reschedule. I had to reschedule. That wasn't the problem. The problem is that I have PLENTY to do at school that I could have stayed and worked on instead of coming home.

I guess that was a blessing in disguise. I had a gut-wrenching, mascara-ruining, almost-dad-waking meltdown in my mom's kitchen which has lead to a night of nothing. I am going to put the sub plans that I have not done yet (for tomorrow) out of my mind and quit life for the evening. If only my school corporation had voted balanced calendar into effect...I could have been looking forward to a three week break starting on Friday. Do you smell what I am stepping in????

I am signing off now and spending the rest of the night creating...with this...Photo courtesy of Herrschners.com
Wonder who I'm going to make a scarf for this time.......?

PUMP-kins

Too funny today! I gave a group of students a book called "Halloween" during guided reading yesterday to read for homework. One of my students (a wicked Hispanic cutie) had trouble saying the word "pumpkin". She said what some kids do; "PUN-kin". I had the group look carefully at the word and repeat it after me. She was laughing while trying to do it because it felt funny to her. I explained that she wasn't reading the whole word or saying all of the sounds in it. She got it then. :) She came up to me this morning and said, "I practiced last night, maestra! I can say PUMP-kin now!" She was very proud of herself and I am proud of her determination to say it correctly, too!

Now on to REALLY important things...SHOES! I bought a new pair of shoes today at Woldruff's Footware.  They are sexy Dansko clogs.  I got the inspiration from one of my fellow teachers who just bought them the other day.  I left school to go get them and hers was the first room I visited when I got back to tell her that I copied her.  They are hott!  (Yes, I meant to write 2 "t's".)  Here is a photo for your viewing pleasure.

Dansko Grey Prism Patent Stapled Clog

NOTE:  I am thinking that I did my citing correctly.  If I did not, please leave me a KIND message and let me know what I should have done differently.  Thanks! 

Are We There Yet?

It's only Wednesday, isn't it?! Sorry about the slacking last week! This week has gone well at school. I had professional development last week on Thursday and had to leave early on Friday, which meant that I didn't get much done those days. I decided to come in on Sunday and ended up planning my entire week and staying 6 hours. That helped a TON! However, I can't do that every weekend. I need some time away from this place, you know?!

So, I arrived home last Thursday to find an envelope addressed to me on the counter. As I picked it up I thought to myself, "This is a nice envelope! It feels like the ones I sent my resume in." Then...I saw the name of the law firm in the corner. My stomach dropped and I did a quick inventory of any lawsuits filed against me...there were none. So, I decided to be brave and open it. THAT was a mistake. I started reading and got as far as, "You have been subpoenaed to appear at a deposition on October 4th at 10:00 am..." I started bawling. All I could think was that I had to miss ANOTHER DAY away from my students. I have already been out of my classroom during instructional time for 17 hours this year.

Let's just say that I ran pretty hard that night.

I feel a little more sane this week. I told my students that when they get too loud I didn't want to have to yell to get their attention back. I want my voice to be used for learning, not yelling. So.........I have started keeping my recess whistle on my all the time. :) I give it a little toot when they get out of control to bring them back so that I don't have to yell. It's worked pretty well so far! I told them that my goal was to not have to use it by Christmas. HA!

Let's hope Friday comes quickly! Plus, now that I have found out that I can write here at school (AFTER SCHOOL HOURS ONLY!!!!) I will update more often. Happy Wednesday!

Can You Pass The Tissues?

Oh what a week, what a week. I know that most teachers feel the same way I do, but I've got to get it out! My school is working on implementing learning goals in place of grades and a couple Wednesdays a month every team gets to meet for 3 uninterrupted hours. Some of those hours are filled with information for us and things that we are working on while the other hours are spent meeting as a team. This is done so that we don't have to meet after school. They are greatly informative but there is so much handed down to us to take in that I regularly get overwhelmed.

Our principal was walking around and visiting each table group that morning and when she got to my table was the point where my overwhelmed brain decided to let my eyes leak. When I am tense or overwhelmed it tends to come out in tears. I'm fine, but I need to let it out. The man on our team (Princess) looked at me and said, "You're doing on the outside what I am feeling on the inside." My team is super supportive and amazing. God has done some wonderful things this year and has placed some spectacular people in my life.

I told Spaceballs today that I think I need to have a sign strung around my neck (like they did in 28 Days with Sandra Bullock which was about rehab) that says "I need to remember to ask for help instead of trying to do it on my own." She laughed and said I was right. It's not that I don't need help. The thing is ASKING. I love help. I relish help. I just forget that I CAN ask for it. I'm allowed to need help. What a revelation, huh??

The Honeymoon's Over

What a week, what a week. My students have been nutso this week. Let's start at the beginning...MONDAY: I woke up on Monday with a wicked bad head cold. I could barely breathe and felt awful. (Puffs Plus with Vicks tissues are AMAZING!) I managed to make it through the day, but the kids could tell I didn't feel well no matter how hard I tried.

TUESDAY: Things started to loosen up on Tuesday, but I still wasn't 100 percent. This was the day that my students forgot how to listen. (They totally reverted back to first graders.) I had to take a time out and repeat "If you cry in front of them you will never live it down." I was thisclose to having a freak-out on my class. I managed to make it through, but it wasn't pretty. I told my boyfriend about my day and he said, "Well, your 13th day can't be any worse than MY 13th day. 9/11 was my 13th day during my first year." That helped.

WEDNESDAY: I felt better this day, but my students were even MORE rowdy. Ugh! I had to make them back up and said "You're popping my bubble." They LOVE to be at my elbow all day and I know that I have to get used to it at this point in the year. We are beginning a chess program this year for our second and third graders and all the classroom teachers had to attend a webinar for 2 hours. Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh...I'm keeping it mum. I made a really good to-do list, though!

THURSDAY: I sent my first student to the office today. He has been hitting other students at least once a day. I sat down with him to discuss it and gave him two options. Either he could fill out a social contract with me or he could go to the office and discuss what was happening because this was happening every day. Well, he rolled his eyes at me and said "Whatever", which was when I told him that he just made his decision and he was going to the office. I kept my cool with him, but was ready to flip my lid. I feel like the most awful and incapable teacher in the world because I couldn't deal with it in my own room. Tomorrow is a brand-new day and I make it positive or negative.