Monday, March 18, 2013

To Friend or Unfriend...That's a Tough Question

This isn't meant to be a "Debbie Downer" post, but I've been thinking about writing it for a while now.

I've been thinking about friendship lately.
I've been thinking about my friends, what kind of friend I am and what kind of friend my nuggets are learning to be.

I've spent the last year or so trying to decide whether or not certain friendships were worth continuing to nurture or abandon.
Trying to decide if a friendship is worth continuing or moving into the acquaintance column is one of the most difficult decisions to come to grips with.

I have never had a lot of close girl friends until the last few years.
High school was rampant with competition, misunderstandings, and drama.
College was a tough time for me mentally and emotionally.
I was learning how to navigate the world and just be me instead of caving to the pressures of social norms.
I didn't always do such a great job.
I was lucky that I got married at the age I did because if it had been any earlier in my life I would have struggled to fill my side of the bridal party.

I think it was because of this that I was easily sucked into toxic friendships.
You know the ones...
The ones where I was feeding, feeding, feeding the other person while I was starving.
The ones where I was constantly making BAD decisions because I so desperately wanted to be accepted by the other person.

I am tired of a "friend" trying to make me feel guilty for not visiting.
I'm sorry...did you forget where I live?
Did you forget that I would come running in the middle of the night, but when it was for me it was always the next day?
I had to fill out my own flipping bachelorette party invitations.
I am tired of being used.

I MAY be bad about visiting, but I also work my tushie off every day (leave at 6 am, get home at 7 pm) and would like to see Handsome Husband.
I can honestly say that Handsome Husband, my mom and my dad are my best friends...super sappy, I know.
I am not perfect, nor will I ever claim to be.
However, I CAN say that I would always go to bat for my friends.
I will always defend you (and then pull you aside to tell you if you're being a doofus.)

I have loved forming new friendships over the past few years.
I get to help one friend celebrate her marriage to her best bud.
Another new friend got me a gift card to my favorite jewelry gal at the local farmer's market for my birthday.
I have the honor of snuggling with another's gorgeous little girl.
I can't wait for another to move home so that our Sunday breakfast tradition can occur more than twice a year.
I can't wait to help another celebrate her hard work toward her college degree (You go Littlefoot!!).

I don't have some sick need to have attention on me at all times, but it's nice to know that I now have friends who will text me first.
For no reason.
Not because they need something from me or want me to celebrate something in their life, but don't care one iota about my successes.

Friends are people that you choose to have in your life.
I haven't chosen very wisely in the past, but I am well on my way now.
I enjoy having people in my life to celebrate.
People who appreciate being celebrated and reciprocate.
I truly love being excited for my friends.

What is something that you love about a friend?


Mrs. B


  1. This post is sooo very true for me as well. I had lots of friends in high school and in college. But when I started dating my husband, and then had my daughter, my priorities changed. I'm not a partier like a lot of my "friends" are. My downtown is spent with my family whom I love more than anything and have been there every step of the way for me.

    1. I agree. I am growing out of the party stage (I'm not quite there yet, but my inner granny is fighting her way out!). I'd prefer a glass of wine at home in my PJs to going out anymore.

      Thanks for stopping by!